Let’s talk about life today.
It’s been 2 months and 2 days since my father passed away, and that image will forever stay with me — the last time I saw him. He was crying for me. He couldn’t speak because of the ventilator pipes and wires, but he said everything through his tears. This was only the second time in my life I saw my father cry.
The first was two years ago, after a major fight when we hadn’t spoken for 2 months. He came to me, opened his mouth to say something, but all that came out was tears. That day broke something open between us. After 15–20 years, we finally softened. We began to rebuild. And for the past few years, things were good between us. Loving. Supportive. He became my biggest cheerleader. And then… just like that, he vanished from my life.
That shattered me. But at the same time, I could feel it — Ram had been preparing me for this. Such is His kindness.
For the last year and a half, death has been living subconsciously in my mind. With every action, every thought, every breath — death was there. I didn’t fully understand why, but I kept feeling it. The fragility of life hit me theoretically long ago, but when it hit me experientially, through my father’s passing, it changed me completely.
I’m not talking about material responsibilities that naturally fall on the eldest child when the head of the family is gone. Those responsibilities were already there — my father trained me well. People say I’m his carbon copy, and I see why. But no, this isn’t about that.
I’m writing this to clear my head. Maybe to share. I know hardly anyone reads long blogs anymore, but at least this way I won’t be keeping it all inside. And perhaps that’s what this blog is — my happy place.
Life is Funny. Life is Fake.
Or at least the way we live it is fake.
At its core, life has no meaning. None of this “purpose” stuff people keep talking about. Really — how can something have an ultimate meaning when it has to end one day?
And no, I’m not saying this emotionally. I’m saying this rationally. Though yes, there are tears in my eyes as I type — because Ram’s picture is right in front of me and I know He’s making me write this.
Life in reality is only this: experience. Nothing more.
You’re born one day as a blank canvas. Every day, impressions are painted onto you. Seconds, minutes, hours, days, years — they shape you, but none of it is truly yours.
Your body? Borrowed and ever-changing.
Your mind? Just a collection of outside influences.
Your intellect? Always shifting.
So what do you really control? Nothing.
The illusion of free choice is what keeps the ego inflated. But when you look closely, it’s just that — an illusion.
Repeat this with me: life happens on its own.
You didn’t decide your birth.
You didn’t decide your parents, your siblings, your partner.
You didn’t decide most of what shaped you.
So who decides?
“Karm,” you’ll say. But whose karm? Yours? Who are you? The body? This body is changing every second — it can’t be you.
Think of how you speak: “my body hurts,” “my thoughts are scattered,” “my legs are tired.” Who is this “my” you keep referring to?
That “my” is the witness. The experiencer. The one who sees the changes but is not changing itself.
And that witness has no karm, no destiny, no burden. It is free.
This is Ram’s play. His leela.
We think things are happening to us because of “our” karm, but in reality, it’s Ram’s karm unfolding.
Worried about responsibilities? They’re not yours. They’re His. Let Him take the burden.
Because everything happens at the right time. Always. The sun rises at the right time. The flower blooms at the right time. Everything in this web of existence is interconnected.
So when you think something is “your karm,” remember — it’s tied to your father, your mother, your friends, everyone you’ve ever met. Life is a spiderweb. From macro to micro, everything is linked.
Don’t waste time digging for reasons. Dig into the source — into that “my.” The answers will reveal themselves there.
This isn’t just philosophy. It’s my lived experience. That’s why I write. Because I can’t always say these things out loud.
Maybe this is why I don’t take life too seriously. I only have love — for everyone, for everything. Even when I say “I hate you,” it’s only love in disguise. Because love doesn’t disappear — sometimes it clings, sometimes it lets go, but it remains untouched underneath.
With this state of mind, how could I fall into society’s traps? Marriage, rituals, labels — all of it looks so fake to me now. In the past few months, I’ve seen through the illusions so clearly that I can’t unsee them anymore.
Tears, formalities, roles, relationships, family dynamics — they all looked like one big theatre. And I just sat there, watching it, detached.
Right, wrong, good, bad, sin, virtue — I don’t care anymore. These are just games of convenience. Everything is right when you do it. Everything is a sin when I do it. That’s how humans play. Lmao.
So no, I don’t judge. And no, I don’t enter the circus.
This was random. Raw. But it felt good to write.
See you later.
Bye.
— aditea ♡